It’s back, it never really goes away though, it’s a never ending cycle of self-hatred and self-destruction then as you start to fight your way out you’re dragged back under. I haven’t had a meal in 3 days, I remember this feeling, this is how I was the weeks leading up to my first attempt and I know it’s coming, but no longer will it be “attempted” it will be “completed” and the doctors will write that down as they guide everyone who forgot to care about me through their grief, but I will be free. And I will be nothing. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted.
So I guess I’m back here, I start Uni in 3 months and by then I don’t want to be the fat girl, and I need somebody to guide me through, and as always I can rely on tumblr more than my friends 140 to 99 by christmas? I. Will. Do. This.
I hate this, I want it to end.
I want it to end.
I’ll make it.
First post here in a while, but I genuinely thought recovery would be easy. I am currently suicidal but I know what’ll happen if I fail, 3 hours to wait for the crisis team to tell me I am stable and can go home then I’ll sit here ranting for a few hours before beginning my next suicide plan and I am sick of how repetitive my life is, I’m failing college I’ve lost all my friends I’m self-harming again and idk what to do.
And if anyone uses RYL forum my name is theiamaniac
genuinely thought this time would work but I’M IN HOSPITAL A-FUCKING-GAIN UGH, other than learning not one of my followers would give a shit if I did die but no, ok, thanks.
alright it’s 3, time to do this, i’ve made certain this is certain death so feel free to unfollow me (I’ll be dead when you read this so I doubt there’ll be more posts on here cause only one irl person knows about it, i have one scheduled post but yeh) um yeah, thanks for the support over the years and for letting me know i wasn’t alone, if there’s an afterlife i hope to see you all there, happy. I would have made a video or s/t but my face would make you throw up right now.
so done, with everything, I’ll be here until about 3 if anyone cares enough to say goodbye, if not i hope every single one of my followers finds a better solution to the one i am choosing tonight, good luck n shit.
made a new myfitnesspal if anyone wants me, my user is inminutia :-)
this is one dose of meds for today, i have to take them all at once, i threw up 5 seconds after trying to down them, fuck it, i’ll stay ill